In the split second it took for me to realize that the girls who Miguel accidentally jumped on were okay, I dissolved into giggles. It’s a reflex. I feel so bad and I’m so glad they are okay. But, honestly, I think this is proof-positive that Miguel’s an alien. I think he miscalculated gravity on our planet for a moment. Yeah, that’s it…he just forgot which planet he was on.
1. Miguel, you ain’t Prince. Prince is somewhere laughing his size 0 behind off. He’s said again and again that performers today need to stop trying to be like him. See what happens– your nads land on someone’s head. We all know Prince is an alien. Prince might be like Michael Jordan in Miguel’s galaxy?
2. Did he really have on 4-inch boots? Those will be exhibit A in the civil trial that is sure to follow. Those ain’t anti-gravity boots, homie. Those are Rick James boots, best for crushing dirt into a couch. Dude is like 5’2; what did he expect to happen? Seriously, them joints looked like the heel was reinforced steel.
3. There are some bright sides in all this: Miguel definitely wasn’t lip-syncing, the girl who took the brunt was okay and she seemed really happy to meet Miguel. Well, she probably didn’t want to meet his crotch first…but yeah. That’s probably a mating ritual where Miguel’s from…
4. From now on, when Miguel starts to do the crazy shimmy dance, people will know to duck like they are at a Gallagher show. Was that little dance his species’ way of gathering energy from the universe to power such a jump?
5. I got a little weak inside at the old chick who bent down to help the girl until Miguel grabbed her. She tossed her away like a dead fish! I immediately heard TLC’s “What About Your Friends” playing. I guess the girl code ain’t what it used to be. Why was she in the mosh pit anyway? Hm, maybe this is a broader conspiracy?
All jokes aside, Miguel is an excellent performer and I hope he doesn’t end up having to work a second job at Burger King to pay for that girl’s long term care bills.
Miguel, Nanoo-Nanoo and sh*t, if you see this. Try a little harder to blend in next time.