Tagged: Magneto

Were Suicide Squad and X-Men: Apocalypse the same damn movie?

I think so.  You know from my previous review that I thought Suicide Squad was ridiculous, but I haven’t really written about X-Men:  Apocalypse.  I was disappointed with both and I’ve been searching myself to figure out why.  I finally figured it out:  they are the same damn movie.  Hear me out:

In both movies, there is an ancient, body-jumping consciousness that has overwhelming, magical powers that had been locked up by the normal humans.  Some overly curious scientist/investigator let them loose and they decided to wreck havoc on civilization.  They each assemble their respective teams and go to war with each other.  The war is messy; bombs are launched, people die, and there’s travel by helicopter.  Inexplicably, both Big Bads plan to build some sort of destructive machine/monument to assume total control of the world, but we never quite find out how they will work.  But, in the end, everything just falls flat.

Not the sort of thing that inspires movie ticket sales, eh?

Magneto and Mystic are the bad guys with questionable allegiances on the X-men team and Storm, Psylocke, and Angel are on En Sabah Nur’s team.  But, they are all just kinda bad and most for understandable reasons of survival.  You know that they are going to turn on their leader in favor of saving humanity.  Amanda Waller assembles a team of rogues, called the Suicide Squad, that are chosen for their ruthlessness ad willingness to be and do evil things to combat evil.  But, they never really seem that bad.  Enchantress, the Big Bad in Suicide Squad, calls up her brother as her main henchman.  She also turns men into faceless goons who have caviar for heads by kissing them.

SS’s Deadshot and X-men’s Quicksilver both get their time-slowing save the day moments.  More helicopters and explosions.  There are a few minutes of backstory to make the audience feel some emotion for them.  Joker and Wolverine are shoehorned in for fan service, can’t have movies without them.  And, both movies came to the same unsatisfying conclusion that left the viewer wonder what was the point of all this meshsugaas.

Thankfully, nobody dances like Enchantress.

Thinking about that made me lose my train of thought, so I’ll stop here.  But, seriously, did anyone else notice this?

Spoiler-free Review of The Wolverine


First, let me say that I love me some Hugh Jackman.  I don’t know him personally, but everything about him just suggests that he is a stand-up guy who can act his behind off.  He’s a quadruple threat.  That said, not even he could save this slightly-worse-than-mediocre movie.  I was really excited about seeing this movie because I was hoping that they could make a good Wolverine movie.  Wolverine is probably the most explored character in all of X-men and, yet, they just can’t get the movies right.  I think they are going to have to reboot James Bond-style and make the movies darker to achieve what moviegoers want from the character.  Wolverine is impulsive, daring, self-sacrificing, brooding, and vulgar and Jackman hasn’t been given a script yet that allows him to show that.

The plot starts out good enough.  He is, as always, on a search for himself and missing his love, Jean Grey, who is pretty effective in her tiny role.  Famke Jennsen is so beautiful that she looks unreal anyway (hate her!).  Yukio is well cast and has some great scenes and I thought they did a great job in selecting Mariko as a foil to Wolverine.  That’s about it for the smaller parts.  Let’s not even get into the waste of screen time that was the Viper’s character and the Silver Samurai.  The f-ing Silver Samurai, how do you mess that up?  There is passion in that hyphen.

Aside from some great action sequences, the second half of the movie is just a waste.  I was honestly stunned at how bad the plot became.  And, I really just want filmmakers to stop selecting female villains just to have some eye candy.  It’s so unnecessary.

Rating: C with a sideye for the Viper character.  Wait for Redbox.

P.S.  Don’t go see it in 3D, no need for it.  And, yes, there is a great extra scene about halfway through the ending credits.

P.P.S. I don’t think there was one black person in the entire movie.  I mean the setting is Japan, but still, not one…in 2013?  Get with it Hollywood.