Tagged: science

The Onion Review of Star Trek Into Darkness

Ok, read my review below and, then, watch this video.  Black Trekkie has a good sense of humor and I totally resemble the Onion’s remarks.

http://v.theonion.com/onionmedia/videos/videometa/206/zen_webm.webm

Spoiler kinda, but you’ll want to know.

I have been debating whether to share this or not, but I decided to go ahead and put this out there.

*If you have seen the trailers, you have basically seen “Into Darkness”.*

I was actually pretty shocked by this when I saw the entire movie.  I wish they hadn’t shown quite so much and they weren’t as much trailers as they were entire snips of the movie.

I’m listing them below, BUT, if you haven’t seen a trailer for a few weeks, then don’t watch them before going to see the movie.  Ok?

Captain’s Log: Star Trek Renegades, Ummm.

Hmmmm…errrrr…ummmm…uhhh

That’s the best description I can give of my reaction to this trailer:

I’m not sure what I just watched.

Captain’s Log: Update- Benedict Cumberbatch is not Khan…

So, anytime I mention the name, Benedict Cumberbatch, people say, “Daaaaamn!”  It’s such an impressive name.  You better be good at whatever you do with a name like that.  The word on the street is that he’s just that, so I’m looking forward to seeing him in this film.

Anyways, he debunked the rumor that he is going to play Khan in the May 17, 2013 film Star Trek Into the Darkness.  I’m fine with that; I honestly don’t think anyone could deliver as iconic a performance as Ricardo Montalban did in the original.  Cumberbatch will play a character named John Harrison, no backstory on the character yet.

Update:  There’s the scene in which Spock makes the vulcan salute to someone on the other side of a glass.  This is an obvious sendup to Wrath of Khan, but I actually think that it is the villain on the other side of the glass.  Whether Spock and the villain develop some sort of friendship during the movie or had some sort of prior relationship, I don’t know yet.  We’ll see.

Photo Credit: NY Daily News.

It’s Venusians, Venerials if you’re nasty!

So, I don’t know from which angle to approach this post.  The important thing to know is that Venus is about to put on a show for us.  The second planet will be crossing in front of the sun for several hours in the afternoon.  This only happens once every 105 years, so not again until 2117.  I am feeling like a lot of once in a lifetime events are occurring in 2012, but that’s an apocalyptic post for another time.  This eclipse is called the Transit of Venus, which sounds like a Kama Sutra position and it probably is.  Okay, back on topic.  Astronomical phenomena always gets Captain Jackson a little geeked because it gets me thinking about what our ancestors might have thought the event signified.  Venus has historically represented love and relationships and word on the street is these eclipses coincide with significant scientific breakthroughs.  Space.com has a pretty neat article about the significance of these transits.

Oh yeah, one of the proper names of people who live on Venus is Venerials, hehe.  I can’t possibly imagine why that didn’t catch on.

Start looking up around 6:00PM on Tuesday, but only if you have the proper solar viewing equipment.  Yes, apparently, it is true that you can damage your eyes by staring at the sun.¹ Don’t do it, please, don’t do it. Drake.

If you check back on Tuesday, and I think you should, here’s some theme music.  I had to post this because dude looks like a full on Star Trek TOS villain.

Captain’s Log: Can we get a new black character in the next Star Trek movie?

Are you there J.J. Abrams?  It’s me, Captain Jackson.  Listen, George Lucas even wrote Mace Windu into Star Wars.  Now, I know you and many readers might immediately say, “You’ve got Will Smith in Independence Day and Men in Black, can’t you people ever be happy?”  No.  Thanks for playing.

Let’s face it, Zoe Saldana did an aiiight job with Uhura in the reboot, but she was not nearly as fly or convincing as Nichelle Nichols.  Now, here is my list of people that I think would fit wonderfully in the Star Trek universe.  Check it…

1.  Leon:  Did y’all see this brotha play David Ruffin in The Temptations?  He deserved to win every award out there for how he played that role.  And Little Richard!?!  Please give this man a job doing something in the movie, lawd!

2.  Cynthia Bailey from Real Housewives of Atlanta:  Yes, she and the aforementioned Leon have a child together.  I don’t even know if she can act, but I’m putting her in this list for one reason:  She’s an Alien!  She’s preternaturally beautiful, doesn’t age, doesn’t look like anyone else in her family, and, truth be told, she kinda looks like the Borg Queen.  JJ, you know we have a penchant for green chicks, so put some paint on her and call it a movie.  Jill Masterson in Goldfinger, anyone?

3.  CCH Pounder:  This woman’s eyebrow does more acting than the entire cast of Soulplane and, JJ, hasn’t told us where the plot of the new movie is going, so I say make her a Guinan-like character that allows her to use her quiet, pregnant glances to full effect.

4.  Delroy Lindo: Okay, first off, how did I not know he was British?  Okay, back on topic.  This brotha should play some type of elder statesman.  I’d even settle for a cameo as an Admiral or something.  He’s a truly gifted actor and I bet he can hang a uniform well.  While most people remember him for Malcolm X, I remember him for playing the hell out of the Satchel Page role in Soul of the Game.

5.  Pharrell:  Now, you all could’ve guessed I’m a N.E.R.D. fan.  I’ve been rocking with Pharrell ever since he first threw up the the Vulcan salute in his first video.  I think that type of devotion deserves recompense, so let him do the soundtrack or something.  Better yet, give him a bit part, let him play himself, a bon vivant playboy musician who all the ladies fawn over.

What’dya think?  Did I miss anyone? Chime in, be creative.